5 Absolutely Ridiculous Ways to Get Wasted on St. Patrick’s Day
St. Patrick’s Day—a day when we all suddenly remember our great-great-great uncle’s cousin was totally Irish, so we have every right to drown ourselves in pints of Guinness and questionable whiskey shots. Forget green smoothies and sensible drinking; today is about going full goblin mode in the name of Saint Paddy.
Here are five outrageously unhinged ways to get properly wasted this St. Patrick’s Day. Let’s get into it.
1. The Shamrock Shot Marathon 💚🔥
Why sip when you can sprint? Line up a row of green shots—whiskey, Midori, whatever poison you fancy—and turn your living room into a St. Paddy’s speed-drinking arena. Every time someone says “Leprechaun,” take a shot. Every time someone claims to be Irish but can’t name a single county, double it.
Why It Works:
It’s festive, it’s chaotic, and it guarantees you’ll be speaking fluent Gaelic (or just slurring in an Irish adjacent accent) in no time.
☘ Pro Tip: Keep the energy high with the I’m On Smoko T-Shirt—because if anyone tries to stop your drinking streak, you’ve got your excuse ready.
2. The Drunken Irish Jig-Off 💃🍺
Think you’ve got moves? Prove it. Blast some Irish folk music, down a pint, and attempt an Irish jig. If you mess up, chug another drink. If you fall, finish your entire glass. If you somehow nail it? Congrats, you’re the designated dance coach for the rest of the night.
Why It Works:
Nothing says St. Paddy’s like bad coordination and beer-soaked carpets.
☘ Pro Tip: Dress for the occasion. The Heart of XXXX T-Shirt is perfect for this moment—it’s all about Aussie drinking culture, which, let’s be honest, is basically just St. Patrick’s Day year-round.
3. The Leprechaun Treasure Hunt (But Make It Boozy) 🏆🍾
Hide mini bottles of whiskey, cans of Guinness, or mystery shots around the house. Your mates have to hunt them down and drink them immediately upon finding them.
Why It Works:
It’s like an Easter egg hunt but for degenerates. Plus, nothing builds friendships (or ruins them) like fighting over the last hidden bottle of Jameson.
☘ Pro Tip: Dress the part. The Let’s Get Trashed Tee is a no-brainer—because by the end of the night, “trashed” won’t even begin to describe you.
4. The Guinness Power Hour ⏳🍻
A shot of Guinness every minute for 60 minutes. Sounds easy? Think again. Halfway through, your stomach will feel like a cement truck full of regret, but that’s just the spirit of St. Patrick’s guiding you.
Why It Works:
It’s a test of endurance, strength, and complete disregard for responsible drinking habits.
☘ Pro Tip: Need a breather? Swap one of your shots for a Bloody Mary (it counts as hydration, right?). And while you’re at it, chuck on the Bloody Mary T-Shirt—because even if you’re suffering, at least you’ll look fresh doing it.
5. The St. Paddy’s Mystery Bag Challenge 🎭🥴
Throw a mix of insane drinks into a bag—cheap whiskey, neon-green cocktails, an unholy concoction of beer and Baileys. Throughout the night, pull a drink at random and chug without question.
Why It Works:
It takes decision-making out of your hands and replaces it with pure, unfiltered chaos.
☘ Pro Tip: Throw in one completely non-alcoholic drink just to mess with someone’s head. Bonus points if it’s just straight pickle juice.
Get Shamrocked Responsibly (Or Don’t, We’re Not Your Mum) 🤷♂️
St. Patrick’s Day is a marathon, not a sprint (unless you’re doing the Shot Marathon, in which case—good luck, legend). Whether you’re jigging, chugging, or on the floor contemplating your life choices, make it a day to remember (or at least a day that someone else remembers for you).
Sláinte, ya filthy animals.